Hey Everyone,
We're back with another great, excellent, glorious, perfect patch for you guys! We just want you to know that we're the best server ever made, and our dev team is the most experienced ever, way more experienced than every other server. We're great, they're great, and our farts smell like sunshine and roses! Check out all our amazing, infallible patch notes below. It's all new and has never been done in any other project, including and especially the things that were in other projects before ours.
- We are abandoning the 2.0 client for 3.0. It's different and new and written completely from scratch, we swear.
- Added a color vibrance setting. No one knows what it does, even us.
- All systems are disabled. We'll fix them later. Maybe. Probably.
- Added commands to make characters adults, and spawn mobs, because we couldn't figure out how to make the adult questline or mob respawn work.
- Added commands to give you skills like dash, charging, and flight, because we couldn't figure out how to make those missions work.
- We're running the production server in debug mode to add extra lag and latency. What's logging?
- For every trillion likes we get on Facebook, we'll give away 5 new alpha keys to our new 3.0 client™©®.
- We have fired Verdant. He was too toxic to staff and players.
- The server has been closed due to drama.
- Founder packs now cost $200 and Saiyan Pods now cost $100.
- You can reserve names for $25.
- We changed a bunch of random numbers on skills. We can't explain why, but we know it makes the game more balanced and competitive. No, we can't show you how it makes the game more balanced or competitive. Trust us!
- We have hired NotVerdant, a great new dev for our phenomenal, magical dev team.
- We are reopening the server, please buy our $200 founder packs again!
- Added invincibility, infinitely stacking, scaling multiplicative % based damage buffs, and lifesteal to every skill, even AoE skills! We're still focused and committed to balance and competitive integrity.
- We regret that we have to fire NotVerdant for causing too much trouble.
- We are closing the server due to drama again.
- Removed EP cost and CD from every skill, even skills that change states like gap closers. Now you can use them so fast you get stuck and have to relog to fix it!
- We have hired a glorious, talented new dev, DefinitelyNotVerdant. He's a rockstar and a great addition to the team.
- Welcome to our grand reopening! Please buy more of our $200 founder packs again.
- Added a button to give you infinite EP. Balance and competitive gameplay are our highest priorities. We are the balanced server, run by former PvP pros from TW, when the game definitely wasn't pay to win.
- Every time anyone's internet lags, we will mail rewards to you in game.
- Every day, the item drop rate, XP rates, and Zeni rates will be multiplied by a new random number, doubled on weekdays that end in Y, multiplied by Graham's number on blue moons.
- Mobs with higher rarity have higher stats. We're definitely the first server to do this. Don't look into this at all, or check the 2.0 open source files. Just trust us!
- DefinitelyNotVerdant will now be your opponent in every Budokai and ranked match, with full +15 4 stat gear, and god mode on. He will also DC you mid match. No, he's not cheating, and we will mute or ban you for suggesting anything like that.
- Every mob has been replaced with DefinitelyNotVerdant, the legendary SSJ hero champion of the last 1337 Budokais, and the coolest guy ever. He is invincible. Get good and beat him, scrubs.
- Added level 30 gear that's stronger than level 70 gear. Our commitment to making a balanced, competitive game has never been stronger.
- Fixed a bug causing all items to be wiped from character inventory.
- Fixed a bug causing Turtle Book to prevent login.
- Fixed a bug causing players to gain infinite Tokens when completing quests.
- Fixed a bug causing CCBD potions to make players invincible.
- Fixed a bug causing channels to appear full when players enter TLQ2, but don't worry. We're definitely the biggest server and haven't been messing with the channel limit code. TLQ2 has just always edited the channel limits, by design. Our channels have limits of 40 billion and are super full of totally real, organic players, with human heartbeats and everything. We swear!
- Fixed a bug preventing all vehicles and skills from working.
- Fixed a bug causing any member of the guild to be able to kick Guild Masters.
- Fixed a bug causing CCBD potions to make players invincible, again.
That's todays excellent, perfect, magnificent patch guys! We've got the best patches, nobody ever makes patches like us. All the other servers aren't remotely capable of doing these kinds of patches. Now praise us or be banned/muted for your insolence. See you in game!
(These are all patch notes from other servers, dipped in various levels of sarcasm and satire. Some are unedited. Fees and rates may apply. Side effects may include PayPal chargebacks, and ridiculous elitism. Your mileage may vary.)
